Today has been a day of working through feelings of disappointment, and self pity.
Earlier in the summer, my brother Ashton, and I, found out that our church youth group was going on a trip to some super, amazing water slides. Now, you have to understand that we have never been to these water slides (or any water slide park, in fact), and it seemed that all our friends have been. Once we looked up pictures and you tube videos, we were beyond excited! (Even though we weren’t quite sure that we would be going:) After a whole summer of hoping, this Monday morning, everything started falling into place, and we got permission to go! We were going for sure! We couldn't believe it, when later that same day Ashton came down with a super high fever, and by Tuesday he had a full blown cold. Wow. I can't tell you just how long and hard we prayed that God would heal Ashton by Thursday (today), so we could still go. Yesterday afternoon we started getting hopeful because Ashton climbed out of bed and went outside to play (for a little while). We both woke up early this morning very hopeful that he would be well enough to go, though we could hear in his voice that he still had a cold. When my mom took his temperature, he still had a slight fever. So, needless to say, I am at home blogging, and all my friends are at the water slides. (Not that I don't enjoy blogging or anything, I'd just of course prefer water sliding today:)
To be honest, I am excessively disappointed and Ashton and I have been having a very hard time controlling our emotions. Earlier today, my mom, Ashton and I, sat down and had a talk about how to handle disappointment in a way that honours God, and how to invite God to turn this situation into a good one. I decided in my heart that I didn't want to give in to self pity, and I invited God to help me choose joy instead.
Just a little while later, I started reading Mr. Berzenji's newest blog post. He wrote about the disappointment they've been feeling, because their paper work hasn't arrived yet. (Instead of 30-50 days of waiting, they are now on day 125, and that's just for one step of the process). I think the disappointment I've been feeling today, really helped me relate to the disappointment that they've been feeling. And as I was reading it, it really helped me to snap out of any remaining self pity I had in my heart.
The biggest feeling that I've experienced today was missing out. Missing out on hanging out with our friends, cool water slides, and the grand finale of the summer before school starts next week. (These water slides are going to be closing for the year in just a couple of days).
I can't help but think of all the things that the Berzenji's have been missing out on while they've been waiting for Lukai over these past weeks and months. The cute things he has done, and the things he has learned. And Lukai has been missing out on living with, and being loved by his forever family. Even though it is hard, Mr. Berzenji wrote about how he is choosing to look for joy in the midst of his disappointment about not having Lukai home with them yet.
It feels like God has something that He wanted me to learn today. I'm thankful for Mr. Berzenji's words, and the talk I had with my mom and Ashton, to help me learn it. The lesson I learned today was; if you invite God into a situation, in the mist of your disappointment, he can help you find joy. Even though nothing exciting happened today, a change happened in my heart, and I have had a good day. :)